It’s December again, so we are looking at festivals and things that happen around this time of year. Santa is a topic that’s very popular at this time of year. However, the American version of him is not the only version. We started our exploration by looking at what we know about him.
Parental guidance is recommended as these are very imaginative stories about Santa that may lead to some questions.
“The Gentlemen’s Group”
He lives in the clouds because he’s dead, so I do the job. That’s why you can’t hear him because I’m in stealth mode and he is dead. Ha ha Ha, not ho ho ho. Plus, I always steal a dollar from each house to pay for the toys. This year I’m not on the job. I am going to spy on my parents by going to bed, waiting 10 minutes, then knocking on the door to see if they are taking my job. Merry Christmas.
- Isaac
Santa Claus is fat because he eats my cookies and drinks my milk. He lives in a secret bubble so the jaguars don’t get Father Christmas. Mr. Christmas teleports into your home or kicks down the big black door.
- Nixon
Santa is fat because he eats all the cookies and drinks the milk. There is a big bubble that’s around this house that keeps the snow lions out. He lives in the North Pole. When he gets to my house to give me the presents, he dropkicks the door. Then he runs in and sees my mum eating and drinking the cookies and milk.
- Xavier
Santa Claus gives people gifts on Christmas. He will also eat all your cookies if you leave them out. So, make sure they are in your pantry. He magically gets in your house. He knows what kids want from their letter to Santa.
- Mr. W
“The Other Group” (named by themselves)
Santa is great, so great. He gives presents to people and he is a fatty because he eats your cookies. He has a giant list of people on the naughty and nice list. If you are on the nice list, he gives you presents and if you’re on the naughty list, he gives you coal. You also give the reindeer carrots.
- Declan
At Christmas, Santa comes into your house and sits down and watches TV while he eats his mince pie and drinks his beer. He watches R-rated movies and then he goes out of your house and does it to all the other kids. He drops off the pressies and he goes back and has a party with all the elves and reindeer.
- Molly
Santa is not who you think he is. Santa eats more cookies a year than you eat in a lifetime. That’s why he’s fat. Don’t be offended because, really, who eats that many cookies? Well, at least he drinks milk to stay healthy. I think he already died from diabetes. Just don’t eat that many cookies. By the way, shave your beard, people.
- Yasmeen
Santa is a fat marketing solution the people made up to make money. If he was real, he would get stuck in your chimney, and when your house gets cold you would like the fire and find a naked, roasted steak in your chimney. Then you would eat it and it would probably taste like pork.
- Bilal
Then we wrote down what questions we have about him.
“The Gentlemen’s Group”
Is he real?
Does Santa actually have magic?
Does Santa have a wife?
Can Santa’s reindeer fly?
Is Santa a myth?
- Malakai
Does Dad make Cluedo games?
Do I scrap?
Do I deliver?
Rudolf, do you play cards while I am gone?
- Isaac (who thinks he is Santa’s son)
Is Isaac Santa’s son?
Is he a boy?
Is he over 300 pounds?
How much does Santa weigh?
Is Santa a myth?
Does Rudolph have a red nose?
- Nixon
Is he real?
Who punched him in the nose?
Is Isaac Santa?
Am I Santa?
Is Santa a robot?
Is Santa a pizza delivery guy?
Does Rudolph have a red nose?
Are the reindeer male or female?
- Xavier
Is he a boy?
How did Santa become Santa?
How old is Santa?
Is Santa really Santa?
Does Santa own his sleigh?
Is Santa real?
Can Santa beatbox?
Does Santa live in the North Pole?
How fast can Santa run?
Does Santa eat every house’s cookies?
Does Rudolph really have a red nose?
- Mr. W
“The Other Group” (named by themselves)
Is he real?
Is he magic?
Do his reindeer fly?
Is Rudolph real?
Is he actually fat?
Are Santa and Saint Nicholas the same person?
How many elves does he have?
Why did Saint Nicholas get punched?
What did he do that was so good?
What does he feed the elves?
- Declan
What did Saint Nicholas do that was so good?
Are Saint Nicholas and Santa the same person?
Is Santa racist?
How did Saint Nicholas die?
How old is Santa?
What religion is Saint Nicholas from?
Is Santa kind?
How many times has Santa shaved?
How many elves are there?
Why did Saint Nicholas get punched?
- Molly
Is he real?
How many elves does he have?
Can he lose weight?
What’s his size?
Did he die?
Will he always live?
Is his outfit going to change?
Is he smart?
Does he do most of the work?
- Yasmeen
How is Santa related to Saint Nicholas?
How old is Santa?
What street does he live on?
Is Santa actually bald?
Why does Santa wear red clothes?
When did Santa last wear blue?
When did Santa last have a shower?
Was he born fat?
Are elves related to Santa?
Was he born on Christmas?
- Bilal
Do Santa’s reindeer fly?
Is Santa actually fat?
How many elves does he have?
How did Santa become “Santa”?
Does Santa ever change his clothes?
Does he even help the elves?
Is Santa bald?
When did he have a shower last?
Do you kids actually get cold if they are naughty?
- Keira
We started learning about Saint Nicholas – who he was and what he did. People are sainted if they have two miracles attributed to them. We looked at the ‘miracles’ of Saint Nicholas. We approached them with a healthy dose of skepticism as we were not there 1700 years ago to judge them against the cultural beliefs of the time.
There is variation in how closely we stuck to the source material.
The first miracle (The yucky one – Trigger warning)
“The Gentlemen’s Group”
Once upon a time three rich boys went to a pub to sleep. The bartender saw the three rich boys and slashed them up and change the blood. Saint Nicholas got offered by the bartender at ham sandwich. Nicholas realized this wasn’t ham. Nicholas said, “RIIIIIIISSSSE!!!!”
- Malakai
Once there were three rich women. They heard about Nicholas so they went to see him. They had stayed at an inn. The owner said to himself, “Mmmmm, chubby and juicy.” That night he killed them and put them in a barrel. Nicholas heard about the rich woman but they never came so he went to the inn. He said to the owner, “Have you seen three women?” The owner said, “Nah! Would you want a ham sandwich?” Nicholas found out and revived them.
- Isaac
Once there were three rich boys going to visit Nicholas. Then the bartender killed the three rich boys, drained their blood, and put them in a barrel. Then Nicholas heard about the boys and went to the bar and asked the bartender about them.
- Nixon
Once there were three boys. They went to see Nicholas, because they heard he was good. They went to the bar to sleep. Then the owner killed the juicy boys, drained their blood, and put them in a barrel. Nicholas wondered why they hadn’t come yet, so he went to the bar and asked where they were. He didn’t know and he said, “Do you want a ham sandwich?” Nicholas knew. He gave him another life.
- Xavier
Once there were three boys. They were visiting Nicholas. They were at a pub. They were mostly there to sleep. But the owner killed them because they looked meaty. The bartender then hid their bodies in some barrels. Then the bartender took them to a hotel and hid them. He then ran away. Nicholas found them and revived them with his magic powers. And he also prayed and they came alive. They were so grateful.
- Mr. W
“The Other Group” (named by themselves)
Nicholas smelled out the boys and heard chopping. He ran to where he smelt it. The innkeeper said if he wanted a ham sammy. Nicholas took a bite and looked at him sharply. “This doesn’t taste like ham!” And he started praying. They all became alive. One of them said, “Oh, heck nah!” The other said, “Thank you.” And the other one said, “Where is a chunk of my body?”
- Declan
Three young boys were going to see Nicholas. They went to an inn. The keeper was like, “Oh, yum yum!” So, the keeper was like, “Come in.” They went in their room. In the middle of the night, he came in with a gun. Pew pew. The boys were dead. The keeper drain to them out and made them into meat. Nicholas was at that inn. “Have you seen three boys?” “No,” said the house keeper. “Would you like a sandwich?” “Sure!” said Nicholas. “Mmmm, that is so good!”
- Molly
There were three young boys. They were rich young boys. They wanted to see Nicholas. There were no cars at the time, so they walked. They stopped at an inn for the night. The inn keeper looked. They were all alone; three yummy, juicy, meaty boys. So, he stole the three young boys. So, he stole their money, removed all their blood and turned them into ham. Then Nicholas smelt him. The inn keeper asked him, “Do you want some ham?” Nicholas said yes. He took one bite then threw up, then realized they were people. Then he said, “Back alive! Blah blah blah blah blah!” Then they came back to life! They said that was not a good experience.
- Yasmeen
One day, a trio of boys wanted to see a man called Nicholas. So, they started to go on the long walk and came to a stop at an inn. Then the owner saw that the boys were rich, juicy, and chubby. So, he cooked them. They died. The end.
- Bilal
There were three young men and they were obsessed with Nicholas. So, they decided to meet him. When they were almost there, it was night, so they went into an inn. When the housekeeper saw them, he thought, “Oh, they look yummy and juicy.” So, he took the three young men and said, “Here is your ‘room’.” (It was actually the kitchen.) He chopped the heads off one by one. Then, when Nicholas heard that the kids were ‘lost’, he went off and asked every inn. Then he got to one and asked, “Hey, have you seen three young kids?” The housekeeper said, “Um, no. Um, would you like humans? I mean ham?”
- Keira
The second miracle (following much discussion of not hitting others)
Again, there is much variation from the source material.
“The Gentlemen’s Group”
At the Council of Nicaea, there were two bishops debating about Jesus. It got heated and Saint Nicholas punched the other bishop. So, he got arrested.
- Malakai
In 325, at the first Council of Nicaea, Nicholas and another Bishop were debating about the rules for the church. The second Bishop said he was not on God’s side, so Nicholas punched him. He went to jail. Mary went to the jail and said, “Nicholas, why are you in jail?” Nicholas said, “Because I got a fight with another bishop and punched him.” Mary sent Jesus over. “Why are you in jail?” he asked. “I got in a fight with another bishop and punched him.” But then the chains let loose. He got new bishop clothes. By the next morning, the prison wardens came to see Nicholas’ new bishop clothes.
- Isaac
Nicholas was having a fight with the other bishop. Nicholas punched the other bishop out and then Nicholas was going to gaol for a long time. Then Mary came and said, “Why are you in gaol?” He said, “I punched another bishop because he said Jesus was human.” Then Jesus came and said, “Why are you in gaol?” He said, “I punched the other bishop for you. Then Jesus rewarded him.
- Nixon
At the Council of Nicaea, two bishops were debating if Jesus helped in the world. Then they had a fight and Nicholas punched the other bishop in the face and went to jail. And then Jesus came and asked why he was in jail. Nicholas said, “I punched out another bishop for being rude about you.” “Good man”, said Jesus and Jesus rewarded him.
- Xavier
At the Council of Nicaea, two bishops had a debate about if Jesus was God or if he was different. Nicholas punched the other bishop. He got thrown in the jail. He got rescued by Jesus.
- Mr. W
